Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Pug Crazy
So I have this Puppy whose been running around my house reining terror on my toes and pooping anywhere he pleases. He is the last of the pug babies born on the beach a couple months back. Abby and Dr. Willington's babies. His name is The Crow. He was born quite dead but Jeff rubbed him around enough to bring him back and now I can't seam to find him a new home. lol
Update: Mission accomplished. He went to a new home last night. YAY!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Let’s wait some more
I know you have to be as tired of hearing about us waiting, as we are tired of waiting. But now we have to wait some more.
Last nights visit from Home Study worker Michelle, has ended our home study chapter in our process of fostering to adopt. Just another reminder that there are still many more stages to complete. It's not so bad really. Just a big huge fat process compared to other avenues making a family. No complaining though. As a matter of fact this process has been rather more of an advantage. We basically get to pick our kids. If we were picky enough we could say we want a fill in the black eyed, whatever hair boy or girl or both from so and so decent with this type of background and this age. Another advantage is the types of classes we had to take. We have learned a lot of stuff as far as childcare goes. It was basically like going to a Super Nanny workshop. Plus the agency we picked has been there every step of the way. Although they have not been there to hold your hand or tell you while your waiting for things to go through that everything is going to be okay, they have still, in the long run, been on top of their game. And it helps a lot that there is no exchange of money involved so everything is funded by the state and is state regulated. This helps insure people stick to the book so you have a better sense of confidentiality and things like that.
Plus the kids that are in custody of the state NEED good homes. They NEED parent figures. They NEED a sense of security and loving boundaries to help mold the people they will become. It feels nice knowing you are not only getting kids to love and raise as your own but also getting kids that really need a family too. If everyone who thought about fostering or adopting foster kids actually got out there and did it, then there would be a lot fewer kids in the system. I am so glad we actually just did it. It seems kind of intimidating when you first look at the process, but in reality its not rocket science and it's not that hard. It's life.
From here we basically wait for Michelle to write her 15-page paper on what lovely people we are. How we are fully capable of raising a child and there are no threats in our home, we are responsible individuals who are mentally and physically prepared, ready and willing to foster to adopt. She has said she will be turning it in next Thursday to the board. The following Tuesday she will actually go to the board and orally present to them our case. That same day the board will decide and tell Michelle yes or no. Michelle will call us and let us know. Then if approved we will be assigned a case/social worker from CPS to be ours forever until we adopt. We will also file with Harris County to come do a Fire Inspection. We will also be given a matching specialist to come to our home and write out exactly what type of child we are willing to take in. I am kind of confused if the matching specialist is actually the same person as the CPS caseworker.
I have no idea how long any of that will take. I have no idea for sure if that will all occur before or during we are waiting for our actual paper license to come thru the mail. I have no idea what else they need to file our license or how long that in itself will take. I do know however that we need that paper before a child is placed in our home. And I have been told several times as soon as we get that paper not to be surprised if we get a call THAT DAY.
All I know is right now we have to wait. Wait for a board to approve us. This seems like it should be a crucial time in our process, and it is, don't get me wrong. It seems that we should be nervous and anxious to hear the result, and we are. I have already marked the day on my calendar, June 10th. But at the same time I am somewhat relieved. We have done all we can do. We have had the best Home Study worker DDC could have gave us. We have had some of the best people we know to be the best references and the greatest things written about us that I have ever read. Even Michelle made a comment of how incredibly awesome they were. We are just the best freaking people I have ever met. So yea, I am relieved because there's just no getting better than what we already are. If Jesus were going to foster to adopt, he would live at our house.
So if they say no, you are not approved to foster to adopt in the state of Texas. It is going to blow my mind. It's going to be one of those unknown mysteries. Was never supposed to happen kind of deals. Got our FBI files mixed up with a serial killer type of deals.
But at the same exact time it is a big deal. So until then I am going to stress, drink and crochet. If you want to join me, hey that's great, if not then that's okay too. If you want to give me some of your kids old junk, that's cool man. I'll take it. I actually want it. I'll do something with it.
So until then I am going to have a birthday on June 9th, if you love me get me something good. Diapers or something. Any size, your guess is as good as mine.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Fire and Health Inspection
I just found out about something pretty exciting. One last step after getting the okay from the board to be licensed to foster to adopt is getting a Fire and Heatlh inspection done by your county. So we live in Harris County and you have to call them and set all that up. Turns out its two different inspections. Well I have to get a Fire Marshall to come out for the Fire inspection but to my suprize Harris County is no longer requiring Health inspections if you are taking in less than 6 kids. YAY. One less step. Lucky us. I think this is where the inspector comes out and tests your water and stuff. HOW COOL. Less stress. So I printed out a letter from the county to give to our home study worker tonight. She will do some type of DDC health inspection from a list and make sure we don't have chemicals and stuff lying around and check us off for that. I can't believe we are actually exempt from something. Just wanted to write about it. One for the home team.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
This and that
Our second home study has been rescheduled due to the Monday holiday. It is tomorrow. I believe it is our last. From here she will turn in our 15 page report she made on Thursday to the agency board. Or is it the state board? I am not for sure; either way it is "The Board" which by all accounts, is a very high-powered grouping of old men that decide our fate. I received an email today from our home study lady letting us know to get some last minute things in order before tomorrow. She said I should expect to go over some paperwork. I don't think there will be much of a detailed look at the house as I originally thought. So today I spent my morning back at work looking up day care alternatives in our local area. Its kind of weird calling around asking people about child placements for our imaginary not placed yet, children. Not knowing what age or even when they will actually be here makes it kind of difficult for anyone to give me a straight answer, you can't really blame them. So I typed up a list of places that I liked, places my nieces went to and some places on the way to work, with a vague description of the ages they take. Hopefully we will not even need to go there. Jeff's mom has already taken the classes and has been certified to watch the kids. Perhaps this is just a plan B. Like for instance she changes her mind, we have a back up or if they decide for some reason that she cannot be the daycare provider after all. Who knows? There are now more things I have to do when I get home. I have to take more updated pictures of my rooms and figure out how to get them printed in a hurry. This is the one thing that makes living in the woods irritating. There is literally no place within a 15-mile radius that I can just hop in my car and get this done. I also want to make sure the house is completely clean and I don't have to worry about anything when I get off work tomorrow because she will be on her way to our house right behind me. It's so stressful going thru the home study. Just the thought of a person you barely know coming to your home and judging the way you live makes you cringe and your blood pressure near stroke level. Its like you've just auditioned for some type of job that involves you to be Mom of the year, President of Child Safety and all things possibly kid hazard, Harris County Fire Marshall, Child Advocate Extraordinar, Betty Crocker in the flesh, and Martha Stewarts kid sister. That is just how you feel. Not that we act on it or become plastic when she shows up but there is such a high level of expectation you create for yourself no matter how hard you try to dismiss it, it is still subliminally in the back of your mind that she is in your home with her pen and paper jotting down every detail aspect of your lives. Seriously. On top of that, even though I love the lady that we got, she is a psychologist and that alone just messes with your head. If you know what I am talking about, you know. If this goes over your head, you should only feel so lucky. Today Mellisia is having her home study. I know she must feel the exact same way. It is so nice to know her and be able to compare our experiences. Its kind of like when you try to tell people about something that happened at work and they don't get it because first off they weren't there and second off they can't even begin to imagine themselves there because they have an entirely different sense of work related situations. Like I work in Insurance and we have our stupid Insurance humor and make fun of stupid insurance things that no one gets and Jeff has his robot humor with his manly machine things and guys farting around with too much testosterone and Lord only knows. And then there's the funeral business where you can make fun of so many things stress related that NO ONE understands because it's insane and fun and addicting. Anyways if I am mumbling off I don't mean to but you should by now get my drift. No matter how many times I verbalize our experience with people you will never ever get it fully. And you don't have to, at all; it's just nice to have someone who does. Who has been there and made all those little decisions you have had to. Who has gone thru choices they will make in parenthood before they have ever seen their Childs faces when most people kind of decide as they go. When they have had to be judged, criticized and examined to be approved by a board if they will be good enough to foster to adopt children with the state of Texas. And so is the mind of Heather. Mumblings.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
More Home Study Descriptions
So being the impatient obssesive person I am, wanting to google all relative stories of adoption thru CPS, I came upon one story of a lady who basically took the words out of my head and wrote them in her journal. It appears most all of these infertility/ turning to adoption stories are alot alike. Its good to know there are others out there suffering miserably while making fun of the situation as best as they know how. So I decided to copy and paste a peice. I hope she doesn't sue me because I think I am in love with her wit.
Here goes:
"We passed our health inspection. The man from the health department arrived, and my conviction that all would be well wavered only a little when he pulled out his light-saber like gun that he used to measure the temperature of the water in ever faucet in the house. Apparently 110 degrees is good, but 125 degrees, that's bad. So, we stood at every faucet waiting for it to heat while he shot red lazer beams at the water and I looked on. I followed behind as he peaked inside our fridge and cabinets and mumbled things like "excellent" and "very good." Inside I was thinking, "Damn straight! Those spices are organized, savory separate from sweet–what child wouldn't thrive in an environment like that!" I followed him through the garage, in which, for a moment, I thought our dreams of parenthood might be dashed by the haphazard placement of the lawn mower and ladder. I was informed that a two year old wandering alone in the garage could be hurt by these things. "Uh, huh? Right..?" I didn't tell him what I thought would be the root of the problem in that situation, but I'll tell you it wouldn't be the fact that that ladder was left in the middle of the floor. And, I followed him around our backyard where he praised our well-coiled hose. "Is that good?" I asked. "Yes, because of the dangers of entanglement." I tried to imagine Cliff or I trapped in the back yard, bound up by the garden hose in some freak lawn watering accident. It was about this point in the inspection that I started to feel defensive of our theoretical kids–certainly we haven't met them, but I'm pretty certain they're going to be smart enough to evade the risks associated with a garden hose.
He also informed me that the tops of our fence should eventually be sanded down because of splinters–splinters are apparently a real danger. He ran his hands up and down the boards of the fence and along our deck, which didn't seem like a good idea to me because of splinters. But, not being a health inspector myself, I didn't say anything. I guess I figured any kid we'd have would figure this out on his own, "Gee, when I rub my hands along the grain of wood, I get splinters…" But, who am I to say. I nodded gravely, "yes, yes, of course, sand down the tops of the fence line–first thing tomorrow." I told Cliff, but oddly, he's at work today and not sanding our fence. hmmm….
The inspection was concluded with me hastely slapping stickers on our back door, which is mostly glass, and since our nephew has recently run through a plate glass door, I will concede the need for this. Once informed of this danger, however, Cliff, who takes all this a little more personally, calculated angles of entry and exit through the door, formulating complex equations taking speed and possible trajectory into account based on the placement of the kitchen table and informed me confidently that it would be nearly impossible for any child to go through our back door. So there, state-health-inspector guy, we see your over-regulated beurocratic child well-fare standards, and raise you our over-priced and otherwise unused advanced education.
So, now we wait for the homestudy to be scheduled….
Before the holidays I limited myself to one phone call and one email to our agency about the homestudy. I told myself I would not annoy them and press them to schedule the homestudy in the midst of the holidays, I would wait until after the holidays like a normal, rational person who is also busy and has things to do herself. So, like all of you undoubtedly do when you have resolved not to appear overly desperate when a) applying for jobs, b) dating someone new, or c) adopting children, I pulled out my calendar, counted precisely four weeks out from our health inspection and pencilled in "call regarding homestudy." Then, at precisely 9:45 on the designated day, considerately allowing for morning coffee, message checking, and a one-hour I'm-not-a-crazy-woman buffer, I called to check on our homestudy. They were polite and evasive like all good administrators, and told me they'd call me back, per usual. But, within hours the social worker was on the phone. It was like magic! He was on the phone and could come as soon as this Friday, so I took the first available date.
We took the first available date because it was exciting and because the spring semester begins on Monday so it would be logical to do this before I start hassling with lesson plans and grading, but I mostly took the date because we were anxious to have the undevided attention of an adoption professional–a captive audience if you will–in our home for hours! Although the whole idea of the homestudy is that he is supposed to ask us all manner of personal questions, I have a well-rehersed list of questions I want to ask him. Cliff has told me he is not the magic eight-ball of our future adoption. I cannot flip him upside down and shake tid-bits of significant information about our future from him; nevertheless, I persist. I persist in this fantasy knowing full well I will be disapointed when he leaves and I still don't know our children's names or ages or conditions. Yes, yes, I know; my husband has already told me–I will practice looking non-predatory and avoid using phrases such as "I'm you're biggest fan" when he arrives. I will be on my best behavior because, afterall, we are being judged.
When adopting, you read about the all-important homestudy, how everyone is so anxious beforehand and then finds it's nothing to worry about afterall, how you don't have to bake cookies or clean behind the fridge, and about how kind and gentle all social workers are, blah, blah, blah. Yes, yes, of course. But do you also know that they separate you and then ask you questions presumably looking for chinks in your amour like some sort of demented newly-wed game. I feel like Gerard Depardieu in Green Card–we've been practicing our talking points, getting our story straight all week. "Now remember, if they ask us "a" our answer is "b." A discerning look from me, then "it should be more non-challant than that. We don't want to look too critical, use a non-challant hand gesture." We practice this sort of thing with each other in the bathroom mirror. How to look non-critical, how to execute an artfully convincing non-challant hand gesture. All because this is going on our permanent record. It really will. I've read examples of homestudies. They say things like, "The Smiths are a warm and inviting couple. They obviously love each other and have an inviting home." Reading that sort of thing only makes me look at my husband and say, "make sure you act like you love me when the social worker is here." "I do love you." "Yes, but make sure you act like it so he can write that we're a loving couple." "We are a loving couple." "Don't you understand!?! This is going on our permanent record!!!" At which point, my husband gets this look I can't define–he pauses for emphasis, then asks me when I ate last. This is when I know the conversation is over for the time being and then usually find a toasted cheese sandwich thrust into my hands.
So, we are waiting for what has been promised to be five hours of the undivided attention of an adoption professional. We have vacuumed and dusted and steam cleaned the stains from the living room carpet and all traces, we hope, of any stain from the rest of our lives as well. We'll let you know how it goes…
The social worker was in fact kind and gentle and all those things everyone tells you–for the first four hours. By the fifth hour my eyes had glazed over, and I can't provide any accurate recollections. Unfortunately it was at this point (about two hours after I should have eaten something…anything) that he finally started asking us questions about the sort of child or children we hope to adopt. We've racked our brains trying to remember what we said, but since neither of us had eaten or drank anything at this point, and our guest kept cheerfully refusing even water, we soldiered on. I'm fairly certain we said no to "oppositional defiant disorder" because that sounded ominous enough without a definition, but we can't be certain about the rest. We may have adopted blue triplets. We really didn't care by the time he left, we were just happy it was over. "Yes, yes, blue triplets sound delightful–now can we have some water?"
During the portions that I do recall more accurately I remember that he asked us various personal questions both together and alone and various practical questions; for instance, could we raise a child to be Jewish? Muslim, perhaps? Not with very much accuracy, I would assume, as one might suspect looking at our family tree (which we had to submit) and seeing that 75% of the males in our family are named after saints and disciples. But, no worries. Apparently our shortcoming, whatever they be, were not significant enough to prevent the state from licensing us."
If this isn't the best peice of literature you've read all week, send me a link of what your reading, unless its about something other than adoption, I don't care.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Home Study
Today is Tuesday, May 20, 2008. Nice, peaceful, relaxed Tuesday back at work. Sitting here at 9 am with my cup of coffee, over in my insurance corner. It is becoming quite a good day for number of reasons.
Like for example, it's not Thursday. Last Thursday is the day I was actually called by the head recruiter in Home Study to be told our file would be picked up by a home study worker THAT DAY. I then was informed about Legal Risk adoption. Because we are open to all races, we actually never changed our first decision; we are open to children who are legal risk. This means the children have a far better likelihood of staying in our homes forever. Like one of the parents may already have TPR, or they have already had previous children taken from them and they aren't following their RU plans. I was also told my good friend Mellisia, who is also foster to adopt thru DDC and practically has the same exact file, is also being assigned that day. Which was more than overwhelming because I was told she wouldn't look at neither one of our files for a couple of days and assign it for another two weeks. I was told our home study worker would call me the NEXT DAY to set up a time to come out and tour our home and interview us. So needless to say I was excited out of my mind.
Another good reason its Tuesday, it's not Friday. Last Friday was the day I anxiously paced the floor at work waiting for my Home Study worker to call. In the meantime Mellisia gets a call to set up a time for home study. I become even more anxious, near stroke level, to receive a small word even that our file was in fact picked up. Friday comes and goes, no word. I have a heart attach and die.
Today is nice, because it's not Saturday. Saturday was not as bad as Sunday but not as good as today. Saturday Jeff and me took a leisurely tour around Roman Forest following Tommy and Jessica for a community garage sale. Not so good of a garage sale but there is something to be said about dragging yourself out of bed at the crack of dawn looking for a good sale. About noon Jeff and I drove to The Woodlands for our last class, for a while at least, with DDC. Then we went home and worked in the yard. We cleared out the back yard and burned all the sticks, leaves, trees and death stumps. It took a long time and we were exhausted. Later that night we watched Mommy Dearest, which is still hilarious. All I can say is my kids better not have any wire hangers.
Today is nice, especially because it's not Sunday. Sunday is the day we worked from 9 am to 2 am. We started working in the yard. Jeff's parents were also clearing out a lot of wooded area and getting the yard looking so nice. We went to Lowe's to get some lattice to finish the porch and went to Quiznos, (Tara your dad ordered Sammie's again, I made sure to laugh at him for you, he was only slightly shamed) where I received a phone call who's number I did not recognize. It was the Home study worker! YAY! She wants to come by this week. OMG! I ask if she can come ASAP, obviously not thinking that we aren't ready whatsoever. Jeff confirms and she agrees, tomorrow, at noon. We quickly go back to the house where we continue to work in the yard, burning, racking, painting, finishing the porch, pulling up wires, mowing, weed eating, chopping more trees, stumps and weeds. Around nine pm, exhausted we crawl into the house where we scrub and sweep and mop and makes sure all the guns are out of the house, swords out of the house, meds locked up, dogs cleaned, bed rooms ready, everything dusted and shiny, clothes washed. We do not go to bed until 2 am.
Today is Tuesday, it's a good day because it's not Monday. Monday we woke up at 8 am, to clean MORE. To clean our cars out and do last minute touches in the house. To barley eat an apple before she walks thru the door and try not to throw it up because we are so nervous. What will she ask? What will she be like? What if she hates the road, Oh God the road, it's so bumpy. She shows up at noon exactly. Pulls into Jeff's mothers drive way. I have already pre-warned her about ours. If she drives a low car, it will surely bottom out. Lol. She drove a silver Toyota. We meet her in the yard and walk her over. She is in her 40's, so nice. She is from the Highlands, small town. She thinks our yard is beautiful. NICE. She comes in the house. Says hi to the pugs. They pass. She sits down in the kitchen table. Bottle of water and 5 inch notebook. (Our file) She talks to us together, then separately then each one of us at a time. She asks every kind of question possible. For example let me list a few.
How was your childhood? How were your parents growing up? Was there open affection? How did you know they loved each other? Name one great moment and one bad moment in your childhood. Do you love your husband? Why? What were you told about sex growing up? Are you private? Do you walk around naked? What would you do if your child tried to come out of the bedroom naked? How do you feel about your Mom? How do you feel about yourself? Name three words to describe yourself. How do you show, anger, sadness, happiness?
She is also a psychologist. She can read you like a book and writes down everything you say. Its almost like your in therapy. If you can't word what you want to say correctly, she does it for you, perfectly. I ask if our road is a problem, she replies that kids don't drive. She is hilarious. We laugh for hours. Jeff tells her he thinks he is funny. She replies funny- funny or sarcastic funny. He says both. She sarcastically reminds him sarcasm is a sign of a week mind. She does a quick run of the house and acts so surprised we are so ready. She suggests getting a toddler bed, putting child locks on the bottom cabinets and cutting down a few more stumps. She reminds us that fires in the yard and children don't mix and then sets up a time to come back out for her last hour next Monday from 6-7. She leaves and we faint. We then go to the Olive Garden where we eat ourselves miserable, go home and pass out.
I wake up and it is Tuesday. I can breath. We have the perfect Home Study worker. Our house is finally in order. Next Monday we will set everything in stone. She will write a 15-page report on us to present to the boards where they will decide our fate. I feel good about it. She said we are more ready than we know.
Never once did she say we would have a hard time getting a child 0-3. She had adopted two children herself. She implied we would get a call the second we were licensed. My leg muscles are sore, I am relaxed, my coffee is now gone. The hard part is over, Anticipation of home study. We still must be approved but it sounds like she's going to write a hell of a paper. We couldn't have hand picked a better person for the job.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Come study my home
So its now been almost 4 weeks since our file has "gone to home study". I decided I would call today to see if there was anything I could do to rush things along. Turns out our file has been sitting on someones desk waiting to be placed with a home study worker but they are "backed up" thanks to summer holidays. WHAT? Needless to say I am irritated.
I mean come on people its not as if I asked for you to wait around to send my file to home study right as the summer is beginning. Not to mention its ONLY MAY 13th. They act like its the freaking fourth of July. She said wait two more weeks but don't hold my breath. She also said there is no such thing as a 45 day wait. I have no idea who this woman was to tell you the truth. I had to call the place like 20 times for a voicemail not to pick up. Its Tuesday, not Friday, get with it. Let's make this happen. I bet she is just some lady who walked off the street and picked up the phone. She was tired of hearing it ring and decided to just tell me something to make my day.
So we have decided to buy a monkey instead. We have plenty of diapers and a crib. I bet he will love those bottles I bought and those wipies. I have the perfect outfits and a really good sign language book. Everyone will get a copy of our family picture and the pugs will have someone elses hair on them for a change. It will be exactly what we need. Maybe we will get twins.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Week 2 Home Study Wait
So this is week 2 of waiting for a call, email, something...yet still nothing, from our home study worker. The most time consuming part of this whole ordeal. I must say I am getting impatient, as usual. But I know there is nothing I can do but wait. I can't help but wonder about what type of person they will be sending to our home, will it be a man? A woman? Why kind of person will they be? So in the mean time we have gotten our kids room even more packed full of kids things aging from toys for a new born to 3 year old. We have alot in there needless to say. But it makes good for Eva who has been in our house for almost a week with Tommy and Jessica thanks to an aunt who turned someones lights out. Eva makes me realize all the things we have overlooked. Kids eating wear, more safety measures like the blind string hanging ready for her to choke herself, or the cabinet locks we still need to put on ALL the cabinets. Not to mention the lighters everywhere and the dog poop on the porch from Abby refusing to step on the wet ground. There has also been some toys for the yard, slides, play houses, climbing things, tables we have gotten to keep kids occupied. We cleared out the back yard and cut down all the death stumps so no one trips and dies. Its been fun and busy but not as busy as I would like to be. I have started to learn how to crochet. My first lesson taught by Jeffs Grandmother who taught me what Mellisia calls "The Granny Blanket". I have finally learned how to connect the crochet line to form a square and use the biggest crochet needle I could buy until I become a pro.
Saturday night was more Happy Easter Electric Blue Jesus Great Show Happy Job drinks. There is again, more blue and red stains on my kitchen counter. It made me miss Richard and Tara and Ben and chocolate bananas but didnt last long thanks to Taboo where Jeff and Tommy played on each others team and Tommy tried to get Jeff to guess a word where he drunkedly and loudly whispered it under his breath when Jeff couldnt guess it. He thought we couldnt hear him, he was wrong. Heard was there and I guessed the word "Kosher" to Jesus Cheese. HA!
I think we were going to 50 but ended up going to bed at 25.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
ITS TIME
PHASE 1 PAPERWORK...COMPLETE!!! YAY!
WE HAVE OFFICIALLY BEEN MOVED TO HOME STUDY!
DDC HAS 45 DAYS TO COMPLETE OUR HOMESTUDY BUT IT SHOULD BE ALOT SOONER! THIS IS WHERE A HOME STUDY WORKER WILL COME TO OUR HOUSE AND INTERVIEW US, THE PUGS AND VIEW OUR HOME. MAKE SURE ALL MEDS AND GUNS ARE LOCKED UP AND WE ARE BABY READY. THANK GOD I HAVE BEEN FOR YEARS! LOL
THEN SOMETIME IN OUR HOME STUDY WILL WE GET A FIRE MARSHALL TO COME OUT AND DO OUR FIRE INSPECTION. THEN WE ARE DONE AND LICENSED! READY TO BRING IN SOME KIDS!
I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED! AS YOU CAN SEE WITH MY ALL CAPS! HA HA
Supposedly we have been "done" for nearly two weeks but just today our file was turned in. As you can see they kind of drag their feet. But thats okay because now it should go by QUICK. So hope everyone is ready because now its time!!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
No Exchanges, Refunds or Returns
Today I find out we have 2 more classes to finish until our Home Study can be complete. Thank God they will at least start the home study process without us taking them, since one of those classes is not until May 17'Th. With so many changes in the adoption process we are unfortunately left to the mercy of the system. Besides the two classes and another one before the end of the year, of which I have scheduled for May 3'rd, we are complete with paperwork. All that is left is the Home Study, which I am told, will not take long. Then there is still our Fire Inspection. Alas the Fire Inspection, consistently dangling in the back of my mind. It won't be hard to pass, just a headache to schedule with Harris County.
It has also come to my attention, a side note of which I am not surprised, of our decision in open race. May I say again, OUR decision. Apparently this has stirred up some talk regarding it being the right decision. Everyone has, and is entitled to their opinion. There are none alike. However there are no right or wrong, depending on where you derive that opinion. So with that said let me remind those who may have forgotten human equality or even manners of which to be happy for one who has decided to adopt a child into their lives, home and family. One can only hope their family and friends could open their hearts and minds to accept a child, innocent child, regardless of his or her race but I know this is not always the case. I am hopeful that this may change regardless of today's view of the matter.
After a GIANT headache and much thought and some talk with Jeff. We have decided it will probably be best for the child if we don't elect to adopt AA. ONLY because we will not be able to give it enough cultural roots and knowledge he or she deserves. And I have read ALOT online today and discovered how hard it was for AA who grew up in a CC community and family to be balanced in their own self identity. Therefore it will be best, since we do have the option, to rather adopt a race such as Hispanic or CC or even bi-racial rather than AA or even Asian. I could not however find any forums regarding Asian or Hispanic children growing up in a transracial homes. But because some of our family is from a Hispanic decent, my mothers side even from Spain, we felt we at least have that connection and be able to cultivate knowledge of their heritance. Even though we don't go all out, speak spanish or celebrate hispanic holidays we do eat alot of tacos and occasionally swing at a Pinata. lol
It is something I still have a headache over but I think in the long run will be for the best of that child's racial identity which is important. Especially since, although the color of skin doesn't matter, when your constantly surrounded by people who do not look like you, even if subliminally, will cause some sort of self conflict. And although I wish it were the case, Love does not fix everything. It is something I feel no matter how much love we gave, there will be NO ONE for the child to relate to. That I think will be an injustice to the child. And for no other reason, is that our decision. If someone else were actually pursuing this I would NEVER try to talk them out of it. I hope there is that special family for everyone.
Comment if you will. Don't be a fool. We might change our minds again.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Richard’s Reference to DDC. He is so sweet!!!! I am glad he didn't mail the wrong one in.
Pug Crazy
So I have this Puppy whose been running around my house reining terror on my toes and pooping anywhere he pleases. He is the last of the pug babies born on the beach a couple months back. Abby and Dr. Willington's babies. His name is The Crow. He was born quite dead but Jeff rubbed him around enough to bring him back and now I can't seam to find him a new home. lol
Update: Mission accomplished. He went to a new home last night. YAY!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Let’s wait some more
I know you have to be as tired of hearing about us waiting, as we are tired of waiting. But now we have to wait some more.
Last nights visit from Home Study worker Michelle, has ended our home study chapter in our process of fostering to adopt. Just another reminder that there are still many more stages to complete. It's not so bad really. Just a big huge fat process compared to other avenues making a family. No complaining though. As a matter of fact this process has been rather more of an advantage. We basically get to pick our kids. If we were picky enough we could say we want a fill in the black eyed, whatever hair boy or girl or both from so and so decent with this type of background and this age. Another advantage is the types of classes we had to take. We have learned a lot of stuff as far as childcare goes. It was basically like going to a Super Nanny workshop. Plus the agency we picked has been there every step of the way. Although they have not been there to hold your hand or tell you while your waiting for things to go through that everything is going to be okay, they have still, in the long run, been on top of their game. And it helps a lot that there is no exchange of money involved so everything is funded by the state and is state regulated. This helps insure people stick to the book so you have a better sense of confidentiality and things like that.
Plus the kids that are in custody of the state NEED good homes. They NEED parent figures. They NEED a sense of security and loving boundaries to help mold the people they will become. It feels nice knowing you are not only getting kids to love and raise as your own but also getting kids that really need a family too. If everyone who thought about fostering or adopting foster kids actually got out there and did it, then there would be a lot fewer kids in the system. I am so glad we actually just did it. It seems kind of intimidating when you first look at the process, but in reality its not rocket science and it's not that hard. It's life.
From here we basically wait for Michelle to write her 15-page paper on what lovely people we are. How we are fully capable of raising a child and there are no threats in our home, we are responsible individuals who are mentally and physically prepared, ready and willing to foster to adopt. She has said she will be turning it in next Thursday to the board. The following Tuesday she will actually go to the board and orally present to them our case. That same day the board will decide and tell Michelle yes or no. Michelle will call us and let us know. Then if approved we will be assigned a case/social worker from CPS to be ours forever until we adopt. We will also file with Harris County to come do a Fire Inspection. We will also be given a matching specialist to come to our home and write out exactly what type of child we are willing to take in. I am kind of confused if the matching specialist is actually the same person as the CPS caseworker.
I have no idea how long any of that will take. I have no idea for sure if that will all occur before or during we are waiting for our actual paper license to come thru the mail. I have no idea what else they need to file our license or how long that in itself will take. I do know however that we need that paper before a child is placed in our home. And I have been told several times as soon as we get that paper not to be surprised if we get a call THAT DAY.
All I know is right now we have to wait. Wait for a board to approve us. This seems like it should be a crucial time in our process, and it is, don't get me wrong. It seems that we should be nervous and anxious to hear the result, and we are. I have already marked the day on my calendar, June 10th. But at the same time I am somewhat relieved. We have done all we can do. We have had the best Home Study worker DDC could have gave us. We have had some of the best people we know to be the best references and the greatest things written about us that I have ever read. Even Michelle made a comment of how incredibly awesome they were. We are just the best freaking people I have ever met. So yea, I am relieved because there's just no getting better than what we already are. If Jesus were going to foster to adopt, he would live at our house.
So if they say no, you are not approved to foster to adopt in the state of Texas. It is going to blow my mind. It's going to be one of those unknown mysteries. Was never supposed to happen kind of deals. Got our FBI files mixed up with a serial killer type of deals.
But at the same exact time it is a big deal. So until then I am going to stress, drink and crochet. If you want to join me, hey that's great, if not then that's okay too. If you want to give me some of your kids old junk, that's cool man. I'll take it. I actually want it. I'll do something with it.
So until then I am going to have a birthday on June 9th, if you love me get me something good. Diapers or something. Any size, your guess is as good as mine.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Fire and Health Inspection
I just found out about something pretty exciting. One last step after getting the okay from the board to be licensed to foster to adopt is getting a Fire and Heatlh inspection done by your county. So we live in Harris County and you have to call them and set all that up. Turns out its two different inspections. Well I have to get a Fire Marshall to come out for the Fire inspection but to my suprize Harris County is no longer requiring Health inspections if you are taking in less than 6 kids. YAY. One less step. Lucky us. I think this is where the inspector comes out and tests your water and stuff. HOW COOL. Less stress. So I printed out a letter from the county to give to our home study worker tonight. She will do some type of DDC health inspection from a list and make sure we don't have chemicals and stuff lying around and check us off for that. I can't believe we are actually exempt from something. Just wanted to write about it. One for the home team.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
This and that
Our second home study has been rescheduled due to the Monday holiday. It is tomorrow. I believe it is our last. From here she will turn in our 15 page report she made on Thursday to the agency board. Or is it the state board? I am not for sure; either way it is "The Board" which by all accounts, is a very high-powered grouping of old men that decide our fate. I received an email today from our home study lady letting us know to get some last minute things in order before tomorrow. She said I should expect to go over some paperwork. I don't think there will be much of a detailed look at the house as I originally thought. So today I spent my morning back at work looking up day care alternatives in our local area. Its kind of weird calling around asking people about child placements for our imaginary not placed yet, children. Not knowing what age or even when they will actually be here makes it kind of difficult for anyone to give me a straight answer, you can't really blame them. So I typed up a list of places that I liked, places my nieces went to and some places on the way to work, with a vague description of the ages they take. Hopefully we will not even need to go there. Jeff's mom has already taken the classes and has been certified to watch the kids. Perhaps this is just a plan B. Like for instance she changes her mind, we have a back up or if they decide for some reason that she cannot be the daycare provider after all. Who knows? There are now more things I have to do when I get home. I have to take more updated pictures of my rooms and figure out how to get them printed in a hurry. This is the one thing that makes living in the woods irritating. There is literally no place within a 15-mile radius that I can just hop in my car and get this done. I also want to make sure the house is completely clean and I don't have to worry about anything when I get off work tomorrow because she will be on her way to our house right behind me. It's so stressful going thru the home study. Just the thought of a person you barely know coming to your home and judging the way you live makes you cringe and your blood pressure near stroke level. Its like you've just auditioned for some type of job that involves you to be Mom of the year, President of Child Safety and all things possibly kid hazard, Harris County Fire Marshall, Child Advocate Extraordinar, Betty Crocker in the flesh, and Martha Stewarts kid sister. That is just how you feel. Not that we act on it or become plastic when she shows up but there is such a high level of expectation you create for yourself no matter how hard you try to dismiss it, it is still subliminally in the back of your mind that she is in your home with her pen and paper jotting down every detail aspect of your lives. Seriously. On top of that, even though I love the lady that we got, she is a psychologist and that alone just messes with your head. If you know what I am talking about, you know. If this goes over your head, you should only feel so lucky. Today Mellisia is having her home study. I know she must feel the exact same way. It is so nice to know her and be able to compare our experiences. Its kind of like when you try to tell people about something that happened at work and they don't get it because first off they weren't there and second off they can't even begin to imagine themselves there because they have an entirely different sense of work related situations. Like I work in Insurance and we have our stupid Insurance humor and make fun of stupid insurance things that no one gets and Jeff has his robot humor with his manly machine things and guys farting around with too much testosterone and Lord only knows. And then there's the funeral business where you can make fun of so many things stress related that NO ONE understands because it's insane and fun and addicting. Anyways if I am mumbling off I don't mean to but you should by now get my drift. No matter how many times I verbalize our experience with people you will never ever get it fully. And you don't have to, at all; it's just nice to have someone who does. Who has been there and made all those little decisions you have had to. Who has gone thru choices they will make in parenthood before they have ever seen their Childs faces when most people kind of decide as they go. When they have had to be judged, criticized and examined to be approved by a board if they will be good enough to foster to adopt children with the state of Texas. And so is the mind of Heather. Mumblings.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
More Home Study Descriptions
So being the impatient obssesive person I am, wanting to google all relative stories of adoption thru CPS, I came upon one story of a lady who basically took the words out of my head and wrote them in her journal. It appears most all of these infertility/ turning to adoption stories are alot alike. Its good to know there are others out there suffering miserably while making fun of the situation as best as they know how. So I decided to copy and paste a peice. I hope she doesn't sue me because I think I am in love with her wit.
Here goes:
"We passed our health inspection. The man from the health department arrived, and my conviction that all would be well wavered only a little when he pulled out his light-saber like gun that he used to measure the temperature of the water in ever faucet in the house. Apparently 110 degrees is good, but 125 degrees, that's bad. So, we stood at every faucet waiting for it to heat while he shot red lazer beams at the water and I looked on. I followed behind as he peaked inside our fridge and cabinets and mumbled things like "excellent" and "very good." Inside I was thinking, "Damn straight! Those spices are organized, savory separate from sweet–what child wouldn't thrive in an environment like that!" I followed him through the garage, in which, for a moment, I thought our dreams of parenthood might be dashed by the haphazard placement of the lawn mower and ladder. I was informed that a two year old wandering alone in the garage could be hurt by these things. "Uh, huh? Right..?" I didn't tell him what I thought would be the root of the problem in that situation, but I'll tell you it wouldn't be the fact that that ladder was left in the middle of the floor. And, I followed him around our backyard where he praised our well-coiled hose. "Is that good?" I asked. "Yes, because of the dangers of entanglement." I tried to imagine Cliff or I trapped in the back yard, bound up by the garden hose in some freak lawn watering accident. It was about this point in the inspection that I started to feel defensive of our theoretical kids–certainly we haven't met them, but I'm pretty certain they're going to be smart enough to evade the risks associated with a garden hose.
He also informed me that the tops of our fence should eventually be sanded down because of splinters–splinters are apparently a real danger. He ran his hands up and down the boards of the fence and along our deck, which didn't seem like a good idea to me because of splinters. But, not being a health inspector myself, I didn't say anything. I guess I figured any kid we'd have would figure this out on his own, "Gee, when I rub my hands along the grain of wood, I get splinters…" But, who am I to say. I nodded gravely, "yes, yes, of course, sand down the tops of the fence line–first thing tomorrow." I told Cliff, but oddly, he's at work today and not sanding our fence. hmmm….
The inspection was concluded with me hastely slapping stickers on our back door, which is mostly glass, and since our nephew has recently run through a plate glass door, I will concede the need for this. Once informed of this danger, however, Cliff, who takes all this a little more personally, calculated angles of entry and exit through the door, formulating complex equations taking speed and possible trajectory into account based on the placement of the kitchen table and informed me confidently that it would be nearly impossible for any child to go through our back door. So there, state-health-inspector guy, we see your over-regulated beurocratic child well-fare standards, and raise you our over-priced and otherwise unused advanced education.
So, now we wait for the homestudy to be scheduled….
Before the holidays I limited myself to one phone call and one email to our agency about the homestudy. I told myself I would not annoy them and press them to schedule the homestudy in the midst of the holidays, I would wait until after the holidays like a normal, rational person who is also busy and has things to do herself. So, like all of you undoubtedly do when you have resolved not to appear overly desperate when a) applying for jobs, b) dating someone new, or c) adopting children, I pulled out my calendar, counted precisely four weeks out from our health inspection and pencilled in "call regarding homestudy." Then, at precisely 9:45 on the designated day, considerately allowing for morning coffee, message checking, and a one-hour I'm-not-a-crazy-woman buffer, I called to check on our homestudy. They were polite and evasive like all good administrators, and told me they'd call me back, per usual. But, within hours the social worker was on the phone. It was like magic! He was on the phone and could come as soon as this Friday, so I took the first available date.
We took the first available date because it was exciting and because the spring semester begins on Monday so it would be logical to do this before I start hassling with lesson plans and grading, but I mostly took the date because we were anxious to have the undevided attention of an adoption professional–a captive audience if you will–in our home for hours! Although the whole idea of the homestudy is that he is supposed to ask us all manner of personal questions, I have a well-rehersed list of questions I want to ask him. Cliff has told me he is not the magic eight-ball of our future adoption. I cannot flip him upside down and shake tid-bits of significant information about our future from him; nevertheless, I persist. I persist in this fantasy knowing full well I will be disapointed when he leaves and I still don't know our children's names or ages or conditions. Yes, yes, I know; my husband has already told me–I will practice looking non-predatory and avoid using phrases such as "I'm you're biggest fan" when he arrives. I will be on my best behavior because, afterall, we are being judged.
When adopting, you read about the all-important homestudy, how everyone is so anxious beforehand and then finds it's nothing to worry about afterall, how you don't have to bake cookies or clean behind the fridge, and about how kind and gentle all social workers are, blah, blah, blah. Yes, yes, of course. But do you also know that they separate you and then ask you questions presumably looking for chinks in your amour like some sort of demented newly-wed game. I feel like Gerard Depardieu in Green Card–we've been practicing our talking points, getting our story straight all week. "Now remember, if they ask us "a" our answer is "b." A discerning look from me, then "it should be more non-challant than that. We don't want to look too critical, use a non-challant hand gesture." We practice this sort of thing with each other in the bathroom mirror. How to look non-critical, how to execute an artfully convincing non-challant hand gesture. All because this is going on our permanent record. It really will. I've read examples of homestudies. They say things like, "The Smiths are a warm and inviting couple. They obviously love each other and have an inviting home." Reading that sort of thing only makes me look at my husband and say, "make sure you act like you love me when the social worker is here." "I do love you." "Yes, but make sure you act like it so he can write that we're a loving couple." "We are a loving couple." "Don't you understand!?! This is going on our permanent record!!!" At which point, my husband gets this look I can't define–he pauses for emphasis, then asks me when I ate last. This is when I know the conversation is over for the time being and then usually find a toasted cheese sandwich thrust into my hands.
So, we are waiting for what has been promised to be five hours of the undivided attention of an adoption professional. We have vacuumed and dusted and steam cleaned the stains from the living room carpet and all traces, we hope, of any stain from the rest of our lives as well. We'll let you know how it goes…
The social worker was in fact kind and gentle and all those things everyone tells you–for the first four hours. By the fifth hour my eyes had glazed over, and I can't provide any accurate recollections. Unfortunately it was at this point (about two hours after I should have eaten something…anything) that he finally started asking us questions about the sort of child or children we hope to adopt. We've racked our brains trying to remember what we said, but since neither of us had eaten or drank anything at this point, and our guest kept cheerfully refusing even water, we soldiered on. I'm fairly certain we said no to "oppositional defiant disorder" because that sounded ominous enough without a definition, but we can't be certain about the rest. We may have adopted blue triplets. We really didn't care by the time he left, we were just happy it was over. "Yes, yes, blue triplets sound delightful–now can we have some water?"
During the portions that I do recall more accurately I remember that he asked us various personal questions both together and alone and various practical questions; for instance, could we raise a child to be Jewish? Muslim, perhaps? Not with very much accuracy, I would assume, as one might suspect looking at our family tree (which we had to submit) and seeing that 75% of the males in our family are named after saints and disciples. But, no worries. Apparently our shortcoming, whatever they be, were not significant enough to prevent the state from licensing us."
If this isn't the best peice of literature you've read all week, send me a link of what your reading, unless its about something other than adoption, I don't care.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Home Study
Today is Tuesday, May 20, 2008. Nice, peaceful, relaxed Tuesday back at work. Sitting here at 9 am with my cup of coffee, over in my insurance corner. It is becoming quite a good day for number of reasons.
Like for example, it's not Thursday. Last Thursday is the day I was actually called by the head recruiter in Home Study to be told our file would be picked up by a home study worker THAT DAY. I then was informed about Legal Risk adoption. Because we are open to all races, we actually never changed our first decision; we are open to children who are legal risk. This means the children have a far better likelihood of staying in our homes forever. Like one of the parents may already have TPR, or they have already had previous children taken from them and they aren't following their RU plans. I was also told my good friend Mellisia, who is also foster to adopt thru DDC and practically has the same exact file, is also being assigned that day. Which was more than overwhelming because I was told she wouldn't look at neither one of our files for a couple of days and assign it for another two weeks. I was told our home study worker would call me the NEXT DAY to set up a time to come out and tour our home and interview us. So needless to say I was excited out of my mind.
Another good reason its Tuesday, it's not Friday. Last Friday was the day I anxiously paced the floor at work waiting for my Home Study worker to call. In the meantime Mellisia gets a call to set up a time for home study. I become even more anxious, near stroke level, to receive a small word even that our file was in fact picked up. Friday comes and goes, no word. I have a heart attach and die.
Today is nice, because it's not Saturday. Saturday was not as bad as Sunday but not as good as today. Saturday Jeff and me took a leisurely tour around Roman Forest following Tommy and Jessica for a community garage sale. Not so good of a garage sale but there is something to be said about dragging yourself out of bed at the crack of dawn looking for a good sale. About noon Jeff and I drove to The Woodlands for our last class, for a while at least, with DDC. Then we went home and worked in the yard. We cleared out the back yard and burned all the sticks, leaves, trees and death stumps. It took a long time and we were exhausted. Later that night we watched Mommy Dearest, which is still hilarious. All I can say is my kids better not have any wire hangers.
Today is nice, especially because it's not Sunday. Sunday is the day we worked from 9 am to 2 am. We started working in the yard. Jeff's parents were also clearing out a lot of wooded area and getting the yard looking so nice. We went to Lowe's to get some lattice to finish the porch and went to Quiznos, (Tara your dad ordered Sammie's again, I made sure to laugh at him for you, he was only slightly shamed) where I received a phone call who's number I did not recognize. It was the Home study worker! YAY! She wants to come by this week. OMG! I ask if she can come ASAP, obviously not thinking that we aren't ready whatsoever. Jeff confirms and she agrees, tomorrow, at noon. We quickly go back to the house where we continue to work in the yard, burning, racking, painting, finishing the porch, pulling up wires, mowing, weed eating, chopping more trees, stumps and weeds. Around nine pm, exhausted we crawl into the house where we scrub and sweep and mop and makes sure all the guns are out of the house, swords out of the house, meds locked up, dogs cleaned, bed rooms ready, everything dusted and shiny, clothes washed. We do not go to bed until 2 am.
Today is Tuesday, it's a good day because it's not Monday. Monday we woke up at 8 am, to clean MORE. To clean our cars out and do last minute touches in the house. To barley eat an apple before she walks thru the door and try not to throw it up because we are so nervous. What will she ask? What will she be like? What if she hates the road, Oh God the road, it's so bumpy. She shows up at noon exactly. Pulls into Jeff's mothers drive way. I have already pre-warned her about ours. If she drives a low car, it will surely bottom out. Lol. She drove a silver Toyota. We meet her in the yard and walk her over. She is in her 40's, so nice. She is from the Highlands, small town. She thinks our yard is beautiful. NICE. She comes in the house. Says hi to the pugs. They pass. She sits down in the kitchen table. Bottle of water and 5 inch notebook. (Our file) She talks to us together, then separately then each one of us at a time. She asks every kind of question possible. For example let me list a few.
How was your childhood? How were your parents growing up? Was there open affection? How did you know they loved each other? Name one great moment and one bad moment in your childhood. Do you love your husband? Why? What were you told about sex growing up? Are you private? Do you walk around naked? What would you do if your child tried to come out of the bedroom naked? How do you feel about your Mom? How do you feel about yourself? Name three words to describe yourself. How do you show, anger, sadness, happiness?
She is also a psychologist. She can read you like a book and writes down everything you say. Its almost like your in therapy. If you can't word what you want to say correctly, she does it for you, perfectly. I ask if our road is a problem, she replies that kids don't drive. She is hilarious. We laugh for hours. Jeff tells her he thinks he is funny. She replies funny- funny or sarcastic funny. He says both. She sarcastically reminds him sarcasm is a sign of a week mind. She does a quick run of the house and acts so surprised we are so ready. She suggests getting a toddler bed, putting child locks on the bottom cabinets and cutting down a few more stumps. She reminds us that fires in the yard and children don't mix and then sets up a time to come back out for her last hour next Monday from 6-7. She leaves and we faint. We then go to the Olive Garden where we eat ourselves miserable, go home and pass out.
I wake up and it is Tuesday. I can breath. We have the perfect Home Study worker. Our house is finally in order. Next Monday we will set everything in stone. She will write a 15-page report on us to present to the boards where they will decide our fate. I feel good about it. She said we are more ready than we know.
Never once did she say we would have a hard time getting a child 0-3. She had adopted two children herself. She implied we would get a call the second we were licensed. My leg muscles are sore, I am relaxed, my coffee is now gone. The hard part is over, Anticipation of home study. We still must be approved but it sounds like she's going to write a hell of a paper. We couldn't have hand picked a better person for the job.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Come study my home
So its now been almost 4 weeks since our file has "gone to home study". I decided I would call today to see if there was anything I could do to rush things along. Turns out our file has been sitting on someones desk waiting to be placed with a home study worker but they are "backed up" thanks to summer holidays. WHAT? Needless to say I am irritated.
I mean come on people its not as if I asked for you to wait around to send my file to home study right as the summer is beginning. Not to mention its ONLY MAY 13th. They act like its the freaking fourth of July. She said wait two more weeks but don't hold my breath. She also said there is no such thing as a 45 day wait. I have no idea who this woman was to tell you the truth. I had to call the place like 20 times for a voicemail not to pick up. Its Tuesday, not Friday, get with it. Let's make this happen. I bet she is just some lady who walked off the street and picked up the phone. She was tired of hearing it ring and decided to just tell me something to make my day.
So we have decided to buy a monkey instead. We have plenty of diapers and a crib. I bet he will love those bottles I bought and those wipies. I have the perfect outfits and a really good sign language book. Everyone will get a copy of our family picture and the pugs will have someone elses hair on them for a change. It will be exactly what we need. Maybe we will get twins.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Week 2 Home Study Wait
So this is week 2 of waiting for a call, email, something...yet still nothing, from our home study worker. The most time consuming part of this whole ordeal. I must say I am getting impatient, as usual. But I know there is nothing I can do but wait. I can't help but wonder about what type of person they will be sending to our home, will it be a man? A woman? Why kind of person will they be? So in the mean time we have gotten our kids room even more packed full of kids things aging from toys for a new born to 3 year old. We have alot in there needless to say. But it makes good for Eva who has been in our house for almost a week with Tommy and Jessica thanks to an aunt who turned someones lights out. Eva makes me realize all the things we have overlooked. Kids eating wear, more safety measures like the blind string hanging ready for her to choke herself, or the cabinet locks we still need to put on ALL the cabinets. Not to mention the lighters everywhere and the dog poop on the porch from Abby refusing to step on the wet ground. There has also been some toys for the yard, slides, play houses, climbing things, tables we have gotten to keep kids occupied. We cleared out the back yard and cut down all the death stumps so no one trips and dies. Its been fun and busy but not as busy as I would like to be. I have started to learn how to crochet. My first lesson taught by Jeffs Grandmother who taught me what Mellisia calls "The Granny Blanket". I have finally learned how to connect the crochet line to form a square and use the biggest crochet needle I could buy until I become a pro.
Saturday night was more Happy Easter Electric Blue Jesus Great Show Happy Job drinks. There is again, more blue and red stains on my kitchen counter. It made me miss Richard and Tara and Ben and chocolate bananas but didnt last long thanks to Taboo where Jeff and Tommy played on each others team and Tommy tried to get Jeff to guess a word where he drunkedly and loudly whispered it under his breath when Jeff couldnt guess it. He thought we couldnt hear him, he was wrong. Heard was there and I guessed the word "Kosher" to Jesus Cheese. HA!
I think we were going to 50 but ended up going to bed at 25.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
ITS TIME
PHASE 1 PAPERWORK...COMPLETE!!! YAY!
WE HAVE OFFICIALLY BEEN MOVED TO HOME STUDY!
DDC HAS 45 DAYS TO COMPLETE OUR HOMESTUDY BUT IT SHOULD BE ALOT SOONER! THIS IS WHERE A HOME STUDY WORKER WILL COME TO OUR HOUSE AND INTERVIEW US, THE PUGS AND VIEW OUR HOME. MAKE SURE ALL MEDS AND GUNS ARE LOCKED UP AND WE ARE BABY READY. THANK GOD I HAVE BEEN FOR YEARS! LOL
THEN SOMETIME IN OUR HOME STUDY WILL WE GET A FIRE MARSHALL TO COME OUT AND DO OUR FIRE INSPECTION. THEN WE ARE DONE AND LICENSED! READY TO BRING IN SOME KIDS!
I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED! AS YOU CAN SEE WITH MY ALL CAPS! HA HA
Supposedly we have been "done" for nearly two weeks but just today our file was turned in. As you can see they kind of drag their feet. But thats okay because now it should go by QUICK. So hope everyone is ready because now its time!!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
No Exchanges, Refunds or Returns
Today I find out we have 2 more classes to finish until our Home Study can be complete. Thank God they will at least start the home study process without us taking them, since one of those classes is not until May 17'Th. With so many changes in the adoption process we are unfortunately left to the mercy of the system. Besides the two classes and another one before the end of the year, of which I have scheduled for May 3'rd, we are complete with paperwork. All that is left is the Home Study, which I am told, will not take long. Then there is still our Fire Inspection. Alas the Fire Inspection, consistently dangling in the back of my mind. It won't be hard to pass, just a headache to schedule with Harris County.
It has also come to my attention, a side note of which I am not surprised, of our decision in open race. May I say again, OUR decision. Apparently this has stirred up some talk regarding it being the right decision. Everyone has, and is entitled to their opinion. There are none alike. However there are no right or wrong, depending on where you derive that opinion. So with that said let me remind those who may have forgotten human equality or even manners of which to be happy for one who has decided to adopt a child into their lives, home and family. One can only hope their family and friends could open their hearts and minds to accept a child, innocent child, regardless of his or her race but I know this is not always the case. I am hopeful that this may change regardless of today's view of the matter.
After a GIANT headache and much thought and some talk with Jeff. We have decided it will probably be best for the child if we don't elect to adopt AA. ONLY because we will not be able to give it enough cultural roots and knowledge he or she deserves. And I have read ALOT online today and discovered how hard it was for AA who grew up in a CC community and family to be balanced in their own self identity. Therefore it will be best, since we do have the option, to rather adopt a race such as Hispanic or CC or even bi-racial rather than AA or even Asian. I could not however find any forums regarding Asian or Hispanic children growing up in a transracial homes. But because some of our family is from a Hispanic decent, my mothers side even from Spain, we felt we at least have that connection and be able to cultivate knowledge of their heritance. Even though we don't go all out, speak spanish or celebrate hispanic holidays we do eat alot of tacos and occasionally swing at a Pinata. lol
It is something I still have a headache over but I think in the long run will be for the best of that child's racial identity which is important. Especially since, although the color of skin doesn't matter, when your constantly surrounded by people who do not look like you, even if subliminally, will cause some sort of self conflict. And although I wish it were the case, Love does not fix everything. It is something I feel no matter how much love we gave, there will be NO ONE for the child to relate to. That I think will be an injustice to the child. And for no other reason, is that our decision. If someone else were actually pursuing this I would NEVER try to talk them out of it. I hope there is that special family for everyone.
Comment if you will. Don't be a fool. We might change our minds again.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Richard’s Reference to DDC. He is so sweet!!!! I am glad he didn't mail the wrong one in.
Foster Care and/or Adoption
Reference Information
1. How long have you known Jeffrey and Emlyn Buck and what is your relationship? How well do you know these applicants?
I've known Jeff since he was a wee child and have been his friend through his formative years. From his satan worshipping stage, through the drug years. I am happy to see that he has grown up into a well-adjusted party animal. I met Emlyn when the couple got hitched. She is a woman of refined tastes, and can drink the best of us under the table. She is a trooper: she always vomits last!! In addition, she is filled with the milk of human kindness, and always keeps my beer drawer in the fridge well stocked, sharing it only with the poor underage neighborhood kids who can't buy their own alcohol.
2. What kind of people are Jeffrey and Emlyn? Describe their strengths and weaknesses.
If I had to choose three words to describe either Jeffrey or Emlyn, I would say that they are fun-loving, children-slapping, and completely unreasonable. And have no business being near a child, except to discipline it with an iron fist. Jeffrey's biggest strength is he is a champion of drunken Taboo. I feel that Heather's biggest strength is her rack. As far as weaknesses go, I have yet to see any. They throw the most wicked bad Halloween parties in the greater Huffman area.
3. What extended family or other support is available?
This is a family that loves to spend time together. On just my last birthday, the entire gang got together for a night of unholy seances, drunken beach frolicking and nude fishing.
4. If you were responsible for a child's future, would you want this couple to be his/her foster/adoptive parents? Please Explain the reason for their suitability or lack of suitability.
I feel that children this day need more discipline. Sometimes, they need to learn the hard way not to pull a sword off of the wall. I think that Jeffrey and Emlyn will be great drinking buddies to any child fortunate enough to be placed in their care.
5. Please describe any children in the home; or what experience do the applicants have with children?
Although there are no children IN the home, if you look under, you will find a child cemetery that is well maintained, and often times, emits no stench at all.
6. What activities and interests do the applicants have outside the home?
Necrophilia, gay-bashing, and good old american hot dog cookouts.
7. Additional comments regarding the home life and also any other comments you care to make. I am so stoned right now. Dude where'd you get this shit? Oh lol wrong page.
The fingerprints are in, FINALLY
So Tuesday my recruiter at DDC touched base with me. Fingerprints are in! For all 3 of us, me, jeff, & his momma. YAY! So now all we are waiting for before the home study is----> Richard & Beka's reference to come in. Then DDC can set up a time to come out, meet the pugs, ask a million questions about anything and everything and then decide if we are stop or go for parenting.
Jeff said when they say yes he's gonna do that turning his face to the side and hissing thing. Please God don't let him do that! It's creepy.
In other news we opened up the age range 0-3 and possible siblings, but just 2 max!!! DDC is really good about making your age range larger! I think they all took a class on it.
She said, "Well now Mrs Buck, what if the child turned 3 just one week before they were placed with you? Then we would have to find them another home." and I replied "uhhhhhh well ok". Cause I couldn't very well get all finger pointing and angry with my recruiter, shaking my head and telling her EXACTLY what I needed her to do, could I?
Also, just yesterday I received a letter from the school district and could not believe that in order to qualify for pre-k you must be either poor,( which we are not poor enough), speak english as a second language, (humm there is hope, we will see), or have a parent who is on active duty. So since me and jeff are both navy seals this should work out perfect! I mean come on, what about us border line poor people? Give us a break? Take a kid in. Help a brokey out!
Also, just yesterday I received a letter from the school district and could not believe that in order to qualify for pre-k you must be either poor,( which we are not poor enough), speak english as a second language, (humm there is hope, we will see), or have a parent who is on active duty. So since me and jeff are both navy seals this should work out perfect! I mean come on, what about us border line poor people? Give us a break? Take a kid in. Help a brokey out!
God look at all these hard choices as a pre-foster to adopt-parent I already have to make! Then theres huggies or pampers? What wipies? Who's got the best stroller? What are you gonna eat? Do I turn my head when someone lets you chew on a chicken bone? How many times do I have to feed you? What kind of bottle do you want to use? Plastic or glass? Do those diaper dispensers really work? I know there not much money but do I really want to spend 20 dollars on a little trash can that only holds baby poop? Do I really want to lose my 8 hours of sleep at night?
Mostly those are about it. But it's still alot to make a decision about. I was hoping to just kind of wing it. Most of those things you won't know until it happens, except the chicken bone. Note to self: purchase a teether.
Mostly those are about it. But it's still alot to make a decision about. I was hoping to just kind of wing it. Most of those things you won't know until it happens, except the chicken bone. Note to self: purchase a teether.
But seriously it will all be worth it. I am at that stage now where you realize OMG this is going to happen and you have all these doubts about yourself. Kind of like when you get pregnant and one day realize, oh shit, I am a horrible person, how am I going to be responsible for another person's life? But in the end it all works out and you have a good laugh.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
............
I actully still have blue stains on my kitchen counter from last weekends easter drink night. Okay so after I just deleted all of my blogs from 2007 going thru IVF I felt the need to update on 2008’s adventure in babysitting or getting.
Me and Jeff are fostering to adopt. We will be placed with children aged 0-2 from Texas CPS, any race, to foster until their parents rights are terminated and we can legally adopt them. Its good for us, it’s good for the children. So if you see me coming over with a baby, black, brown, chinese, or hell some white kid that came out of no where....you will know why. IVF was a pain in the ass. Never again! Beyond that news everything is still the same ol same ol. I still work in insurance and Jeff is still the robot overlord.
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