Point of the Story

So my whole point of all below was to say this.

I try my hardest, absolute damn best, not to seperate myself, emotionally.

I feel stuck in this limbo. I know good and well anything can happen with Brittany's future and at any moment the state has full authority to take her away. I feel like I catch myself going thru the motions and I put on a pretty good act but inside my head its seriously empty so I dont reflect on what's in my heart because it's too painful. It could be the lack of nicotine or it could be the rollercoaster of emotions or it could be the stress but when I do this I quickly jerk myself back into reality, or is it fantasy? Either way I take it day to day and right now, today, Brittany is OUR baby and I am going to treat her without a shadow of a doubt like OUR baby.

Yesterday I did this all for the better of me. I acknowledged what I was doing and set it aside. In the end we might get hurt, we might not. But I have said this before and I will say it again, it's better to LOVE if you seriously LOVE someone because it makes you so happy at the moment, even if they don't love you back or they don't love you forever. It's better than being miserable, in love, and distant, afraid to hurt yourself. TAKE THE RISK. Just LOVE.

Also it is very much true that if Brittany is your neice or cousin or grandchild like she is our daughter and at the end she leaves our home, she will ALWAYS have been your neice or cousin or grandchild. I hope people remember this, for her sake. It really helps to reflect and let loose to love. Her love doesn't go on hold. Why should ours?

This is honest, this is true, I cannot change it. I want to remember how I felt, so I write it down. If I grow or regress I want to remember. I want her to know one day too. Everything we went thru and felt. We went thru everything for her.