Court

Yesterday Kade had court. It was nerve wrecking and I am still not sure what to make of it. Sometimes it just makes me want to cry. I know good and well that no one with a right mind would send this baby back to the family who didn't want him because of his cleft palate and who's own mother tried to kill him by punching him while she was pregnant but then again I know good and well the courts don't always make much sense.

The mother was a homeless bi-polar 20 year old. Because she moved in with her grandmother and took a parenting class and a psycho evaluation, no doubt failing it, it seems this grants her rights to have visitations as long as she passes a drug test, which we have not heard if she has yet. The judge did however put Kade on a fast track to TPR and if she doesn't do enough to get him back by 8/31, his next court date, the judge will grant TPR. I absolutely hate the idea of it being all in this woman's hands. I hate that there's nothing I can do to keep him forever and I have to sit back and let her either work her plan or watch her crash and burn.... the messed up thing is that when I look at her, I literally see Kade's face and a small part of me loves her instantly. Crazy? Yes.

I know he may do better in the long run with his biological parents, then again, he will be without a father and an unstable bi-polar, may again try to kill him and herself mother. What kind of future is that?

I am so so so angry.

I just have to believe that she will not pass drug tests and maybe bleep on the face of the earth.

Cold hearted? Not if you read what I did about her family and his case and why he came into care. There is nothing more that makes me angry then a selfish suicidal immature girl who cannot stand on her own two feet. Who cannot love her baby enough to put herself aside but rather get rid of him and then show up 6 months later to slow down TPR. Again just plain selfish.

Am I being selfish? Yes, I would want nothing more then to keep Kade safe... safe from his own biological family.

There were so many people they called to take him in and no one said yes but us because of his lip. Now here we are glorified babysitters patted on the head for doing our job and I feel horriblely shorted because our hands are tied so to speak and limited.

Angry Angry...

As far as Brittany's case goes her social worker called today to appologize.... yea I almost chocked on my toungue... she said she was sorry but she is just now getting her head above water and will turn in Brittany's subsidy this week so we can hurry and finalize this month. I feel bad for the poor lady. Her sister who lives with her just had a baby and her uncle died, I think at her house... all her family has been up in her business for the past two months and her case has doubled because CPS is firing people left and right and people are quiting or on leave. She is the best social worker I have ever met and I will be sad when we are no longer working with her.

Kade's lawyer is coming to the house Friday... nervous..... I know I shouldn't be, its not like she's coming to inspect the house per say... mostly just to see him interact with us. Brittany's lawyer was supposed to do that but she went on vacation instead. LOL her lawyer was a joke.