Adoption Day

So tomorrow is Brittany's long awaited adoption day! YAY! Finally! July 15th will mark her one year mark with us. This means she will officially be ours 13 days shy of that. How exciting is that? I would never have thought the day would come. Realistically when we first set out to adopt I allowed a year in my head to finish the process. Looks like I was right.

I really have been pretty chill about it. Until today. Today I sit at work anxious to leave and wake up in the morning to head to court. I am mentally noting what to wear and to bring a camera to take photos and to record it. I am trying to decide what Brittany should wear and what I should dress Kade up in.

Kade's process is really keeping me grounded in all of this. Without it I would probably have a huge panic attack over the simple idea of being done and rid of CPS and DDC. No more social workers visits, clinician visits, reports or red tape for Brittany. No more stress about something screwing up and her being taken away. She will be a Buck for life. On the same note, no more random 150 dollar check for clothes. LOL That is the only thing I will miss. bah ha ha, isn't that stupid? Nothing compared to the relief of freedom and total control to raise our child. OUR CHILD. Finally will be legally parents. Not just foster parents but adoptive parents. Brittany will have her claim on a small branch of our family tree. She will be able to grow roots in our history and have a stable childhood. She will have a family that loves her unconditionally and won't be scared of never feeling loved or wanted. I must say though, that has never been the case for Brittany. Someone has always loved and wanted her. Prayed for her and searched for her, all her life. That someone was me and Jeff and she will always been aware of that.

I had dreams about her before we met her. I knew her in my heart before I knew her name. Literally. Surely I posted about it somewhere before. Her name in my dream was Layla, which means "Dark as night", "Dark beauty" and "born out of darkness" she is in fact all three of these. I saw her eyes in my dream, a child who knew so much more then her age showed. Even still her eyes hold more wisdom then her little body develops. She has an old soul and is very much aware.

It's funny because I had this dream of her around the time we did IVF. 6/2007. It showed her as a young baby, and I guess around that time she would have been two months old. I knew without a doubt we would parent our Layla somehow and here she is... forever ours.